Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Ogilvy Home Perm (Now for Pubes!)

Dear Queen Helene, Miss John Frieda, and/or Mr. Lars Ogilvy,

My pubic hair needs a perm.

What was once luxurious, bouncing and behaving, very naturally curly locks of brown is now a mangled, frizzy unmanageable mess of straw. The shit just sticks straight out from my body.

I won't even bother to broach the subject of my balls.

It's as if I've had way too many blow-outs or chemical straightening treatments or Japanese reverse perms performed on my nether region.

I guess I should mow it down, pray to Baby Jesus, and hope it will grow back in as the cute 'fro it used to be...once upon a time anyway.

Is there some deep conditioner I can use? Do they make Frizz-Ease for pubes?

Please respond as soon as you possibly can. As I write this, I'm afraid my frenemies in Cha-Cha Alley are mining my pubic dilemma for a nickname I'll be stuck with for years. Or, at the very least, through the end of the summer.

Sincerely Yours,
Constance the Mad Bushwoman*

*See - the nickname avalanche has already begun.

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