Thursday, March 03, 2005

Requiem for a Midget Male Escort Kleptomaniac

Part Two of my Tyrone fixation (see below), as spoken by his ex-wife Pearlanne at his funeral:

My darling, my husband and my best friend, Tyrone Tonique Tanaka may have been a midget male escort kleptomaniac, but that doesn't mean he didn't have a heart of gold. I remember this one time, back when we were working our way down the Eastern Seaboard to Hollywood, Florida, stripping and hustling to pay for food and gas, Tyrone gave me a solid gold I.D. bracelet with the name Pearlanne Jean engraved on it.

Now, some of you might remember my name - at the time - was Suzanne. Well, that bracelet was so nice and Tyrone's eyes twinkled so brightly, that I decided to change my name right there on the spot. From that day forward, I was Pearlanne Jean Horowitz Tanaka. I'm still beside myself whenever I look down at that bracelet. The fact that Tyrone was able to part with a piece of gold jewelry...well, it still makes me shed a little tear or two.

Forget the fact that he divorced me and left me for dead in the wilds of South Carolina during a hurricane. I still love him.

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