Saturday, March 31, 2007

Just Call Me Brute (Or, Notes on Effectiveness)

I tried to take a nap this afternoon. The weather isn't exactly suiting my mood - it's one of those too-sunny-to-be-indoors types of Saturdays - and I'd prefer it to be one of those too-rainy-to-do-anything-but-read types of Saturdays. So, anyway, I tried to take a nap - hoping that somehow, someway a massive weatherfront would move in while I was asleep and wreck the early Spring sunshine - at least for the remainder of the afternoon.

I just drifted off to sleep when my newish next door neighbor (which could be an illegal sublet - and, if it is, I'm a-gon' put my best pair of tight 70s lowslung Levi's and get all Serpico/Silkwood/Norma Rae whistleblower on her ass) clambered into her apartment, promptly turning on the most annoying music I have ever heard. Yep, it beats the other, upstairs neighbor's music hands down. After hearing what I heard this afternoon, I'd take boots-in-dryer gay disco tit-bang remixes any day.

The "music" that came from next door sounded like the soundtrack to a Japanese video game. Sorry, let me clarify: a girl's Japanese video game. One where you have to dance and sing and primp your hair and bitchslap and backstab your friends "Whitney" and "Tiffani" to get to the next round - when the "music" gets faster and faster.

Said another way - it sounded like the stylings of an inhouse DJ at a Sanrio superstore...or a Hello Kitty vibrator with a sound system attached to it (insert "boom box" joke here).

Cranky from the sun and the napitus interruptus, I paused and thought about what to do. I could be civilized and get up, put pants on, go next door and ask my new less-than-best friend to turn the shit down or...I could not get out of bed at all.

I chose the latter - with a manly variation.

Without getting up, I clenched my hand into a fist and pounded the wall - I gave it the usual "shut the fuck up" three strikes. It was loud - louder than I thought it'd sound. The frames above my bed shook and I heard the skid of heels on hardwood.

The sound of Hello Kitty, Live in Ibiza! was suddenly - thankfully - reduced to a whimper.

Made me think of a quote from a show I love: "The only thing violence has ever done is solve problems."

Never before has being a semi-barbarian felt so good.


foxxxy browncup said...

Don't let the sunshine pass you by. Let it light up your beautiful face....and whatever has you in that mood, it can't win. So don't let it. Just breathe on in thru that sunshine. Its always spring with the TM

R. said...

Hello Kitty, Live in Ibiza!

Ha, ha, ha!

From the description, it sounds even worse than J-pop.