Friday, March 30, 2007

The Queefes Of Los Angeles (Or, Bulemia For Everyone)

Last night, I made the mistake of entering the new Pinkberry store on 8th Avenue. My friend Torrey and I were hungry for dessert after a hardcore eat-a-thon at one of my personal culinary jams - Grand Szechuan. We kept walking, walking, walking to try to find something decent. Neither of us had set foot in Pinkberry before and it seemed relatively empty, so we walked in - attempting to satisfy a certain irritating curiosity. Prior to the Los Angeles-based chain opening a store in New York last Fall, miles of press had been devoted to this new version of the tasty low-cal, low-fat, low-impact, low-maintenance, low-blow, low-low-low dieter's staple: Frozen Yogurt.

Two feet in the door, we were bombarded by the tinny antics of Pinkberry's core client base: the tarted up trendy girl* in her mid (more like late) 20s - the one who swears that Sex and the City is like, omigod-Becky, a like total documentary/story of my life in New York like totally.

Blow-outs, wonky heels, little tiny tampon purses, and eating disorders were fully in tow:

PINKY 1: Omigodomigodomigod. This is SO good.

PINKY 2: Like, totally. Omigodomigodomigod - can I get a taste of the Green Tea?

PINKY 3: Omigod, can I get a lid. Sorry!

PINKY 4: Omigodomigod. I'm like so swearing off Tasti-D** now...this IS SO MUCH BETTER!

PINKY 1: Omigod are you like, so totally transformed?

PINKY 4: Omigod, yes. I am. I am totally totally totally transformed.

PINKY 2: Can I get a taste of the other flavor. Omigod...did you try the Green Tea? Omigod. It. Is. So. Good.

PINKY 3: I still need a lid, like now.

PINKY 4: I'm still transformed. Totally. Trans. Formed.

PINKY 1: I know, right? So. Trans. Form. Ational.

PINKY 3: Are you guys like getting toppings? They have like so many toppings.

PINKY 1: Omigodomigodomigod. I know. And they don't even charge you extra. Not like Tasti-D.

PINKY 2: I can't decide you guuuuuys. Which do you like more? Tell me, tell me, tell me what to get!

Before it went any further, Torrey and I turned on our heels and walked the fuck out in horror.

*I hate to backtrack on the Women's Movement, but these were most definitely girls - there was nothing even close to 'womanhood' in sight.

**Tasti-D-Lite - otherwise known as frozen powder, water and air - whipped and beaten into something sort of resembling a dessert.

1 comment:

miranda hobbes said...

you have to remember that chelsea is on the same subway line as the upper west wide. they were merely on their way home.

they started in the "village", because, its, like so cool. marc jacobs accessory store, intermix, etc. then, its approaching happy hour, and OHMIGOD "lets go get daiquiris at one of those cute little bars with sexy gay guy waiters...it's like soooo unfair that they are so cute, but its like totally safe, 'cause, like, no one will try and pick us up and stuff",

drinks turned into dinner; pad thai, split among three girls, with a side of steamed (natch!) veggie dumplings. "you guys, i have to like totally get up soooo early tomorrow and get the train to ronkonkoma, so let's like, go home, watch Friends reruns and totally veg out". "but wait! i'm soooo full from dinner, can we just walk, like, a few blocks. i think theres a banana republic at like 14th st...but ohhhmigod! thats pinkberry... my best friend in LA told me her trainer like swears by the stuff. sooooo good, and you can actually like, LOSE weight on it". "oh muh god - lets go. my stilettoes are like sooooo killing my pedicure right now, but i am so in" .....

and for the record, NOTHING in new york is remotely comparable to the frozen fab flavors of the Tasti D. its pure carcinogens, and i love it.