Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The Heat of the Torment (Or, When Yogis Attack)


Well, since I've gotten back into doing Yoga again, I decided to try out going to actual classes instead of heaving and hurling myself around my very small apartment - naked - in front of open windows for the world to sort of somehow sometimes see to the beats of a brokedown, beat-down, worn-out VHS tape.

So, I went to a Bikram Yoga class last night...and...

I now know that Hell is indeed a place on Earth.

I also now know that all Yogis are not created equal.

Once upon a time, before I got hooked on my sad, do-it-not-quite-right-yourself VHS tapes, I took Yoga classes. And...

All of my teachers were the same in that sensitive, caring, do-what-you-can-yoga-is-a-practice kind of way.

Um, the way Yoga instructors should be.

Last night, over the course of a 90 minute class I was berated, belittled, and humiliated.

I was also called "fleshy" when I couldn't complete a pose.

The teacher I had last night was, well, how shall I put this lightly....

He was a cunt.

He also didn't know his right from his left...or the meaning of the word "forward". He also took out this lack of said knowledge on me by yelling at me everytime I followed his incorrect instruction.

Last time I checked, Yoga is supposed to zen your motherfucking ass out...not want to beat the crap out of someone.

1 comment:

Nama'stay away from me said...

bikram is actually a hindu work for juicy man sweat dripping out your pores, your holes, your pits, your nose, your crotch and all that.

i would think the pungent stank of a room full of sweaty ass bitches would be enough to induce violent reactions.

if you paid for the class, miss mister should be less of a cunt and shut the hell up. nothing worse that uppity yogis who think they got it all down. cunt sounds about right.

she was prolly calling you "fleshy" because she knew all she had to go home to was a plate of steamed kale, quinoa seeds, gluten-free organic free-range tofu curd and bean sprouts (not to mention a couple cats and a vibrator with a dead battery). you made her hungry!

karma gon' get her ass...