Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Lorraine and Behold (Or, Hung Dinerette)

A number of years ago, I was at one of my favorite neighborhood spots, the Moonstruck Diner, nursing a killer hangover on a Sunday morning.

Moonstruck, while absolutely nothing to look at - unless you're into the various aqua and peach interior decorating motifs of 1985 - really gives it up in terms of quality, greasy diner fare. The Greeks running the joint turn the shit out.

Anyway, this particular Sunday morning, I was sitting in the back of the restaurant at a table with my friends Torrey and Anne. As we waited for our plates of onion rings, fries, burgers, Greek omelets, et. al. to arrive, I zoned out for a minute due to severe dehydration. In my blank, listless staring, my eyes settled on a very attractive, older brunette woman at a neighboring booth. I thought she looked familiar, so I let my gaze rest on her.

Before said minute was up, the woman, catching my stare, glared at me in disgust - like I'd farted or belched or pulled down my pants or tried to make off with her handbag. She made a sullen face and turned away from me.

Torrey - seeing the whole exchange - punched me in the arm and said through clenched teeth:

"What the fuck's wrong with you? Stop staring at Lorraine Bracco."

And, yes, Lorraine Bracco it was.


R. said...

Well, aside from her claim to fame, there are two large, rather obvious reasons (a left one, and a right one) why Lorraine Bracco can absorb one's gaze when in the vicinity. Perhaps you'd rested your gaze upon either, or both, of these, and she got miffed.

J. said...

lorraine bracco is... 1) a successful former model (and roommate of one janice dickinson), 2) an employed actress and 3) divorced with mega-settlement from harvey keitel AND edward james-olmos.

for those three reasons, she should most certainly not be chowing on a burger in the back room of a greasy spoon. this is why she was giving you the look....she knew that you knew she could afford much better.