Saturday, May 19, 2007

Meatless Wonder (Or, Is That Processed?)

This afternoon at the grocery store, the contents of my basket (no, not that one) kind of alarmed me:

I'm becoming a lesbian.

I bought soy milk, lots of fiber-rich, bowel-churning whole grain products, and enough hummus to feed the Israeli army. Granted, I am having a lesbian houseguest this weekend, but I realized that nothing I was buying was really out the ordinary in terms of my recent food buying patterns. Waiting in line with my package of "meatless" buffalo wings, I got to thinking about a time when I sort-of-not-really-by-accident verbally bodyslammed a female vegetarian/vegan/cruelty-free-eater.

No, she wasn't a lesbian.

I was out to dinner with a large group of co-workers and my vegan/vegetwhatever friend/co-worker was sitting next to our boss. Our boss ordered a bacon cheeseburger. When the burger arrived, mister bossman turned to miss vegan and said:

"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I offending you by eating this so close to you?"

Before anyone had a chance to respond - I belted out:

"Don't worry. Despite being a vegetarian, she gets plenty of meat in her mouth."

Did I mention the vegan was a slut?

1 comment:

Nam'ste Girl said...

Well, a girl has to get her protein, now doesn't she???? All that plant and vegetation was sorely lacking. Her meat substutite clearly provided her with a much-needed shot of that essential amino acid - straight down her throat, as often as possible