Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Pillow Talk (Or, Bed, Bath, And Beyond)


So, I've frequently discussed having various issues with neighbors and noise...this next story really tops them all.

This past weekend, my friend Jessica (also known as Chicago's Most Gaymous Lesbian) was in town for a visit. Saturday night, we rolled out to dinner kind of late with a friend of hers from Philadelphia.

Drinks, drinks, drinks were had.

I won't go into the details of this part of the evening, but at one point, Jessica asked if she could have the keys to my apartment so she and her friend could, um...get down.

Pun intended.

Being the good friend/host that I am, I agreed to go hang out at a bar for an hour while the get-down-get-down took place. I went to a bar, had a beer, and slowly made my way back home. I called Jessica's cell phone to make sure it was safe for me to return.

She answered the phone breathlessly: "Oh. My. God. You aren't going to believe what happened. Give me five minutes."

I gave them ten and called again to be let in my building.

I couldn't wait for this breathless story.

As soon as I got in the door, Jessica said, "What the fuck is wrong with your downstairs neighbors? They came up here twice! They're crazy!"

She continued: "I didn't answer the door the first time, but the second time they came up, I answered. This dude was yelling at me about how the noise coming from your apartment was unacceptable. We were being so quiet though - it was insane.

"I finally said: 'Look, nothing loud is going on in here. There can't be that much noise - we're just two Lesbians having sex. It's like two pillows talking.' "

That added clincher made me laugh all weekend.

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