Friday, June 29, 2007

I Just Don't Know What to Do With Dionne (Or, I Said a Little Prayer)


I was just on a website that - boldly - declared:

"Dionne Warwick just rolled over in her grave."

I immediately wailed at the screen: "Don't make me over! Bitch ain't dead!"

And then proceeded to fact check like a lunatic on the web.

And...Lindsay Lohan and behold...Ms. Warwick is indeed still with us.

So, I said a little prayer on the way to San Jose. I sent a message to Michael although I don't know anyone named Michael. I tried to walk on by. I fucked around a little like Alfie. I swore I'd never fall in love again keepin my head above water - because that's what friends are for.

Then I thanked G-d, Baby Jebus, the Dali Parton, and everyone else who counts - for keeping Dionne's lovely singing voice, questionable business acumen, and gargantuan nostrils with us for yet another year.

6 comments:

FXBC said...

remember when she got busted for pot?

and since you mention the nostrils (those which have gravitational pull),why on earth is she smoking pot when she is just plain born to be a cokehead?

that nose would be like that vacuum cleaner you see on tv with that british fag, talking 'bout how it don't lose suction. well, with her nose, all of colombia could get sucked up in there.

the point is - she has a god given asset she aint workin

Charles Darwin said...

I ONCE HAD A THEORY ABOUT HUMANS, AND HOW WE EVOLVED FROM OTHER MAMMALS....THE MONKEY/APE POPULATION, TO BE SPECIFIC

AS I LOOK AT MW WARWICK, EVE, THE OLSON TWINS AND MARIAH CAREY, I FEEL THE WORLD HAS FINALLY GOT CONCRETE EXAMPLES OF MY THEORY.

ALL OF THOSE LADIES EXHIBIT ORANGUTAN-LIKE FEATURES. MS WARWICKS NASAL AREA IF MOST DIRECTLY DESCENDANT OF CHIMPANZEES

THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING MY THEORY

Diesel said...

You know, I'd bet money that Joel (from Crummy Church Signs) was perfectly aware that she was alive when he wrote that. See, that's what makes it funny.

TM said...

maybe I don't read the crummy church signs blog enough to get its tone...but what's funny about that headline?

Diesel said...

Oh, I'm not saying that it was LOL funny, I'm just saying that I'm pretty sure it was a joke. Because, see, she's not dead, but her career is.

Maybe it's just me.

joe*to*hell said...

well, she is as good as dead to me