Thursday, June 28, 2007

Summer School: Scatology (Or, The Power of Four)

As many know, I have a scatalogical sense of humor.

I've reported it, diagrammed it, analyzed it, flipped it and reversed it here for the world (or all four of you that read this) to see.

But, recently, my scatology has taken a new turn - the study of certain foods' impact on that precious movement we call bowel.

Now, there are obvious foods that can kick a turdie up a notch (whole grains) and visual ones that aim to amaze on release (corn). But - what I've become obsessed with a magical combination of ingredients sure to set thrones across the globe on fire.

It's a recipe.

Sort of.

Not really.

It's a sandwich.

--On two slices of that crazy German "health bread"*, spread hummus and beet paste.

--Place as much baby spinach as you can on the two slices of bread.

--Add more beets.

--Lather everything with black beans.

--And pinto beans.

--And white beans.

--Sprinkle with corn. A few ears or so.

--Shower with peanuts.

--More corn.

--More peanuts.

--More corn.

--Smash it together and smash it down your hole. With a glass of prune juice.


(And warn others what you did to yourself.)

(And don't tell Sheryl Crow you're going to need a whole motherfucking roll in the morning.)

*what's that shit called again (no pun)? anyone?


d said...

I just ate one of your sandwiches. It was delicious.

joe*to*hell said...

it is called MESTEMACHER. and its got a krautian website and it can be found HERE!

i love me the fitnessbrot and sunflowerbrot. yum.

my turdellas love the flow from the german darkness.

Ms Carol Channing said...

You know T, there is an all-too-true legendary story about me from my days in the theater. It involves corn - decobbed, of course - and a microphone.

Sad to say it's true, but I am glad you are drawing much needed attention to the undigestible qualities of this vegetable.