Monday, August 13, 2007

Pulp Non-Fiction (Or, Dirty Diana)

Summer means summer reading and summer reading means it's time to roll up your sleeves and dig into some quality dirt.

I recently tore my filthy nails through Tina Brown's The Diana Chronicles. It ain't no Jacqueline Susann novel, but the shit has some quality camp and dirt - made all the more campy/dirty by the facts that:

A.) All of the shit in the book really - or supposedly really - happened.

B.) I never paid attention to all of the royal scandals the first time around so nearly all of the scandals were new to me. All I knew was that Fergie's mammoth, ginger-spotted tits were drooping off the side of a yacht at one point in the mid 1980s.

C.) When Brits fall apart, they really, really fall apart. Those stiff upper lips really hold back motherlodes of scandal.

I was skeptical about reading it - since I initially thought the topic (see B. above) wouldn't hold my interest for 500 or so pages - but goddamn was I glued to it. Prince Charles would say to Camilla Parker Bowles:

"I was as close to it as your tampon is close to you."*

*D.) The use of metaphors as modes of seduction in this royal tale is truly, truly appalling. At one point, Charles tells Camilla over the phone that he misses her so much, he wishes he could as close to her as her, um...tampon. Given Camilla's horsiness, I would have said "salt-lick". Just sounds hotter. Either way you cut it: no need.

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