Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Short, Sharp, Shocked (Or, Hey Mister Shortstuff)
Recently, a notorious someone posted a piece about short men.
I'm short - always have been, always will be. I'm 5'7" - and never, ever cop to being anything more.
When someone says "hey shorty" I say - "That's right, bitch. That's me."
Anyway, a few years ago, I was dating a guy who was exactly my height.
I mean ex-act-ly.
I don't remember the context for this next snippet of conversation, but I do remember we were walking down a street in my neighborhood:
EX: You know, Tom Cruise is short like you.
ME: Um, don't you mean 'Tom Cruise is short like us'?
EX: God no. You're sooooo much shorter than I am.
EX: You're what? 5'4"?
EX: Same difference.
ME: And how tall would you say you were?
At this point, I had to stop walking, since I was choking on a massive ham sandwich of disbelieving laughter.
ME: You can't be serious.
EX: What's so funny? I'm totally 5'10".
ME: You are not.
EX: Do you want to measure?
ME: No need - you know I can see the top of your head, right?