Saturday, October 20, 2007

Packing (Or, In The Company of Mens)

One summer a long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...I worked as a landscaper.

It was a great job - my favorite summer job, actually. I spent most of the day alone mowing and weeding and trimming and sweating my ass off. By the end of that summer, I was in crazy great shape and was far, far too tan.

Every morning I had to meet in a garage with the other guys in my "crew". These fifteen minutes were the only time I saw my other co-workers...and each day I learned something new and delightful about the world of (intensely) heterosexual males.

That summer, for those fifteen minutes every day, I was an anthropologist.

My favorite findings in my unexpected research study go a little something like this:

One of my co-workers was porn-obsessed. For instance, he bought a Playboy calendar for the garage and once gave me the honor of changing the month from July to August. Of course, after I flipped the page over, I was expected to comment on the calendar's Miss August. I'm sure I mustered some sort of "Yeah...she's hot" with next to no feeling, mortified of being outed in front of the hyper-masculine crew.

The same porn-headed guy brought in a stack of old magazines he didn't want anymore and was pushing them off on the crew. The guy was quick to point out that one of his mags had a, um, spread featuring a busty, lusty, blonde transsexual (male-to-female, naturally) model. He passed the magazine around to everyone and exclaimed something like:

"Can you believe it? That chick used to be a dude!"

To which another co-worker responded:

"Whatever, man. She's fuckin' HOT...I'd fuck her so hard, I'd make her dick pop back out."


Big Daddy said...

Straight guys are so simple.

God love 'em.

Landscaping was kind of a cool gig.

I did it one summer, too.

jason said...

Hmmmm....for some reason I'm thinking now of that little plastic thingie on a frozen turkey, that pops out when it's done.

don't know why.

Robert said...

Or he could've sucked his cock right out of him, too. Give or take. Hope you're having a great weekend!! xoxo

thonnibg said...

Great story!Love it!
BTW I like landscaping too even though I`ve never worked as a landscaper.

m00nchild said...

i think your blog makes me laugh more than anyone else's i've read.

T$ said...

BD & TB - yes - landscaping was a good time. Even now, I get excited about doing yard work.

J - that's exactly what the dude in question meant.

R - I'm sure had he the time, the man who said that would have come up with something like: "I'd eat her pussy so hard, I'd taste cock when I was done."

MC - aw shucks. I am to tickle.

Kris said...

Oh my.. Guys I tell ya :D Wow, you made landscaping sound fun! And to think I hated even mowing the lawn. Or maybe it was coz I sorta HAD to hmmm...