Sunday, October 14, 2007
Say It Ain't So (Or, When Bad Teeth Happen To Good People)
Fifteen years ago, Madonna made a gorgeously shiteous movie called Body of Evidence. Thanks to modern technology, said shitbox film now sits on my DVR where I can watch the best worst and the worst best parts over and over again and skip everything else.
After all, it's the time of the year for scary movies.
Watching this junkshow bit-by-bit over and over again, I realize that what I'm most disturbed by isn't Madonna's catatonic acting style or Madonna's catatonic sex acts involving candles or Madonna's catatonic overblinking....
I'm most disturbed by Julianne Moore's teeth (see above).
I love Julianne Moore to pieces...so I hate to report on such a thing...but seriously. Check those bitches out. Not only are her toofs gray...they could give Kirsten Dunst a run for her money in the fang-snaggle department.
Below - just for shits and giggles - is the worst bitchslap in the history of cinema. This capture is right when the sound of the slap hits...but, as you can see, Moore's hand is like ten feet away from Lady Madonna's grill.
So bad...it hurts.