Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Old Man and the Hee (Or, Thank You For Provoking)

There's this guy - an older man - who yells at pedestrians on my street every day.

Most of the time, what he yells is nonsensical yet friendly.

He yells things like:

"Can you believe this fuckin' weather! Fuckbags."

Or...

"Fuckin' Yankees suck. How the fuck are you?"

But, this week, he's taken a turn: he's gotten borderline pornographic and way-more-than-friendly.

On Sunday, I overheard him telling a woman carrying her groceries home:

"Can you believe what I did? I went right up to this lady and said 'I want to cover you in whipped cream and lick your whole naked body and put a cherry on top.' Can you believe I said that to her? Can you?"

Clearly, the female stranger he was addressing couldn't - or didn't want to - believe it.

Stunned - she kept on walking.

Yesterday, I heard him yelling at another older man across the street:

"You know what I say when people ask me if I still get wood at my age? I say 'Every time the goddamn wind blows!' That's what I tell 'em. Every time the wind blows. Can you believe it? Can you fuckin' believe that?"

The other older guy flipped him the bird and kept on walking.

You know I'm waiting - desperately - for him to accost me just to see what he says.

Since I'm frequently mistaken for a police officer on my street, it may never happen.

5 comments:

Ladron de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

So there are still a few of them left in Manhattan? I thought they'd all moved to San Francisco.

m00nchild said...

I'd love to videotape that man and the reactions he generates.

Muzbot said...

"fuckbags"?!
I'm going to have to start using that one myself! :)

TWISI said...

NY is such a wonderful city!

kusala ~ joe said...

Every time the wind blows. Can you fuckin' believe that?"