Friday, November 23, 2007
Punchline (Or, A Note From a Guest Editor)
So, recently, I posted a story about last year's Thanksgiving - in which my mother heartily refused a gift of new kitchen equipment.
And, this week, my momma got to reading BV and had to weigh in on that story:
"I laughed my ass off...but I hate to say...you left something out. Something big."
I knew there was a turn I missed - a punchline that needed to frolic in the light of day.
So - here's an addendum to: "Blame It On the Feign":
Last year, I was also in charge of carving the turkey and was issued a brokedown looking electric knife to use for the job. I found the blade, plugged the bitch in, and went to town on the turkey.
Just like every other busted tool in my mother's kitchen, the electric knife wasn't working either. The blade kept flying out of the socket when it was turned on, forcing me to keep the thing turned off while hacking away at the turkey. I finally gave up and used a regular knife to slice the meat from the bird.
After the mafia-like-shakedown I received when I complained about all of the other non-functioning items, I decided to stand mute on this one.
Later on, my stepdad was cleaning up the kitchen and doing the dishes.
"Hey, where's the other electric knife blade?" he asked me.
"Huh? What other blade?"
"There are two blades for that knife - they move back and forth together."
"Oh. I thought there was only one."
"You mean you carved the turkey with only one blade in it? How did it work?"
"You carved the turkey with one blade? Why didn't you say something?"
"Well," I said to my stepdad, "Since everything else in this so-called kitchen is beyond repair, I figured the knife was busted too - so I just went with it."
We started to laugh - hard.
Before I said anything more, I could feel my mother's presence just outside the kitchen's entrance.
"What are you laughing about?" she mock-growled.
Sensing another shakedown - we both replied in unison: