I had dinner with my old friend Jeremy this week ("old" meaning we've been friends for ten years...not "old" as in he started his career in show business as a backup dancer for Carol Channing).
As the meal progressed, we got to telling old stories...and this one came out of nowhere:
A number of years ago, my friend Lucas was in New York for work. We were out and about at the usual neighborhood haunts and we ran into a friend of mine who was out for drinks with one of his coworkers.
The coworker in question, despite being a sweetheart and nice and funny and all that, had some unfortunate issues in the dental department.
His grill was missing some fill.
His teeth were giving grief.*
He had "summer teeth" - some were there....some were not.
Now, the whole time I was talking to the guy, my friend Lucas looked like he was about to have an aneurysm - he was shaking and rocking back and forth and his eyes were going haywire.
I knew Lucas had some bitchy comment choked in his system.
He was constipated with surliness and was ready to blow.
The split-second the guy turned away from me, Lucas grabbed me and pulled me in close to whisper:
"For Christ's Sake. It's the 21st century. Buy yourself a fucking tooth."
*I can't take credit. Props to the brilliant Wendy Ho for that line.