Saturday, February 02, 2008

21st Century Boy (Or, Yo Teef Is Givin Me Grief)

I had dinner with my old friend Jeremy this week ("old" meaning we've been friends for ten years...not "old" as in he started his career in show business as a backup dancer for Carol Channing).

As the meal progressed, we got to telling old stories...and this one came out of nowhere:

A number of years ago, my friend Lucas was in New York for work. We were out and about at the usual neighborhood haunts and we ran into a friend of mine who was out for drinks with one of his coworkers.

The coworker in question, despite being a sweetheart and nice and funny and all that, had some unfortunate issues in the dental department.

His grill was missing some fill.

His teeth were giving grief.*

He had "summer teeth" - some were there....some were not.

Now, the whole time I was talking to the guy, my friend Lucas looked like he was about to have an aneurysm - he was shaking and rocking back and forth and his eyes were going haywire.

I knew Lucas had some bitchy comment choked in his system.

He was constipated with surliness and was ready to blow.

The split-second the guy turned away from me, Lucas grabbed me and pulled me in close to whisper:

"For Christ's Sake. It's the 21st century. Buy yourself a fucking tooth."

*I can't take credit. Props to the brilliant Wendy Ho for that line.

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