Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Crazed In the Afternoon (Or, Is That a Banana in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Drunk?)

Yesterday I was running errands in the afternoon and decided to pick up a few groceries while I was out. I hardly ever go into this particular grocery store in the middle of the day.

The shopping trip was uneventful until I got to the checkout line. I started unloading my basket at the register and I noticed a man standing next to the magazine/impulse item rack. He was swiging enthusiastically from a half-pint bottle of vodka.

He finished his chug and started to put the bottle into the front pocket of his jacket. As he tried to finish his less-than-discreet move, he saw me staring at him.

"Oh shit," he said suddenly surprised at the bottle in his hand. "I thought this was a banana!"

I laughed and said, "That doesn't look like any banana I've ever seen."

He returned the laugh and replied, "Hey, I like your style. You want some?"

He held out the bottle of Georgi Vodka to me, beckoning me like he was my very best friend ever trying to keep me out late and drunk on a school night.

" thanks...I'm trying to quit."

"Good for you, pal. Good. For. You."

With that, my new best friend for ten seconds proceeded to check out.

I finished checking out first, but saw him pounding the Debit card key-pad with his drunkity drunk fingers...trying to tell the cashier that her, um, pad was busted.

And, yes, he was buying mixers.


Big Daddy said...

Ah, afternoon delight.

joe said...

Dude, that is the last time I try being hospitable to you. And to add the indignity of being written about on your blog....

jason said...

I totally saw a different ending for this story.

I'm glad I was wrong.

Gristede Grossery said...

i know that grocery store. one would need to be drunk in order to shop there. i dont blame him