Thursday, May 22, 2008

Redesigning Women (Or, Bile)

I know I promised to stay light on dog talk...but this is to be filed under "Why Manhattan Now Blows Beyond Compare" rather than "Omigod Puppies Are Cute!":

Today while walking my dog, I was trapped in front of a (obviously heterosexual) couple...despite the fact that I stopped several times and slowed down for them to pass me, they - oblivious to my 10,000 signals to move past - stayed right behind me, walking along 18th Street.

Their inescapable, fantastically enlightened conversation went a little...no...exactly...like this:

WOMAN: Ewh. You can, like, see that dog's butt.

MAN: That's nasty.

WOMAN: It's so gross...I mean...its asshole is, like, totally right there and you can, like, see it.

MAN: Gross.

WOMAN: I mean...they should, like, redesign that dog so that you can't see its butt like that.

MAN: Yeah.

WOMAN: I would never have a dog like that.

MAN: No way.

When they passed me, I finally got to see these chumps.

They were the finest shade of white generic suburbia.

In greater, past decades, such preppity would have been confined to places it belongs...like Connecticut.

Now it's walking down the street inches behind me - trying to genetically, like, redesign my dog.

The grumpier, wisdom-of-the-staircase version of myself would have turned around to say:

"I'll, like, redesign my dog so you can't see his asshole if you let me, like, redesign your face and put your mouth were it belongs...ON YOUR ASS, LADY."

I'd have also hurled the plastic bag with my dog's shit in it at them...but that goes without saying.

2 comments:

noTORious said...

ooohhh, child. that makes me wanna smack somebody. especially a white-ass, jive talking WASPy somebody.

jason said...

Karma dictates that those sorts of folks become dog assholes in subsequent lives.

They clearly just hate themselves.