Monday, March 15, 2010

Chopped Clams (Or, Of Course It Was Florida)

Last week, my friend Patty told me about the following news story:

SHAVING PUBIC HAIR WHILE DRIVING PROVES DANGEROUS FOR FLORIDA WOMAN

Uh...really? It had to be proven?

One of the most disturbing elements of this case is that the woman was not alone in the car...her ex-husband was holding the wheel of the moving vehicle from the passenger seat while she was managing her pubic mound.

You see, she had to git-git-git herself to see her boyfriend in Key West and simply did not have time to pull over and mow her junk. I would reflect on how much Meth she had smoked before getting in the car, but I'm still overwhelmed by her ex-husband sitting in the passenger seat. He's such a sensitive man.

I'm still awestruck as to how you can do such a thing behind the wheel of a car...in college, I did some fairly dumb shit while driving, but I never thought to myself - "Hey - this would be a great time to shave my balls. Now, where did I leave that straight razor...."

A recap of the initial conversation:

ME: Whuuuut. How can you even do that?

PATTY: And, she had someone else holding the wheel from the passenger seat.

ME: Did she have a shaving mug and a can of Barbasol in her glove compartment...or was it a dry shave?

PATTY: I have no idea...

ME: Was one leg hanging out the window?

PATTY: I really need a diagram.

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