Thursday, March 11, 2010

Eye Can See Clearly Now (Or, Brow Beat)

I do my best to steer clear of those on-the-street-youths-wielding-clip-boards-for-Give-Money-to-Greenpeace slash Give-Money-to-Your-Local-Congressman slash Give-Money-For-Gay-Rights slash Give-Money-For-Unicorns-Are-Pretty. However, I never fail to get slammed into by the on-the-street-marketers-for eyebrow threading. For the longest time, I wondered why I always fell prey to these dudes (yes, always male) and why I would be deemed in need of such a service. I thought threading was for people who were eyebrow deficient and needed better eyebrows threaded in (like poor Brooke Shields whose only work these days is pimping out her poor, balding eyelids for Latisse...or Madonna circa 1992 when she was working the frightening-alien-no-brow-at-all look).

Yes, I, the dumbass, thought eyebrow threading was a polite way of saying "eyebrow weave".

Yesterday, I mentioned this to someone who proceeded to explain what eyebrow threading really alternate to eyebrow waxing. Suddenly, a whole new shitty world of eyebrow insecurity opened up. My eyebrows aren't "barely-there" they are "holy-shit-they-are-too-much-girl-you're-out-of-control". Those dudes in the sandwich boards are trying to tell me I need to get my shit threaded in order to blend with the peeps of the Jersey Shore...or they're overwhelmed and confused by my nearly-always-overgrown ear hair...which needs daily monitoring and on some days could easily pass for a full, wandering eyebrow.

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