Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Hetero Hilarity (Or, Fight Club)

An interchange I witnessed Saturday morning between a (straight, male) pedestrian and a (straight, male) motorist at a traffic light on the West Side Highway:

MOTORIST DUDE: Watch where you're going, dick.

PEDESTRIAN DUDE: Fuck you.

MOTORIST: Really? Fuck. You.

PEDESTRIAN: Oh, you're trying to impress your boyfriend by picking a fight with me, huh? Oh...sorrrrrrrrrrry. I didn't realize that thing in the passenger seat is a chick.

MOTORIST: Oh, yeah big man - you realllly want to fight me?

PEDESTRIAN: Or is it a chick with a dick? You like sucking cock?

MOTORIST (opening his car door, ready to pounce): Come here so I can kick the shit out of you.

PEDESTRIAN: I would, but I'm too busy feeling sorry for you. You have to stick your dick in that thing. I'm sorry, honey, but he's out of your league.

MOTORIST: I GOT KIDS IN HERE, PRICK!! FUCK YOU!! STOP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT MY MOTHERFUCKING WIFE LIKE THAT!

PEDESTRIAN: I didn't see those trolls in the back seat. Sorrrry!

As compelled as I was to slow down and soak it all in (Trolls! Chicks with dicks! In front of the children!), I was hoofing it to the gym and the rest of the exchange trailed out of range. I did turn around a couple of times to see if the motorist ever got out to throttle the far wittier pedestrian.

He didn't.

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