Since I've been phototasticicizing instead of coughing up stories, here's a very long overdue set of "I can't believe I just heard that"-icisms:
WOMAN AT BRUNCH: I had sex sober last week and it was gross.
10-YEAR-OLD BOY ON STREET: So what it's Mother's Day. She needs to get off my dick.
TEENAGE GIRL TO HER GROUP OF FRIENDS: Omigod...you are so lucky you're dating Matthew. He's such a good texter.