Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I Am Mame (Or, Auntie T)

As ready to wet myself about seeing I Am Love this weekend...I'm equally shits and giggles about knowing the following:

Tilda Swinton and director Luca Guadagnino want to remake Auntie Mame (starring Swinton, naturally).

Just the thought of Tilda in a sari, jodhpurs, and twenty different wigs makes me delirious.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Blinded By The Light (Or, A Haiku)

The print ads for the new series The Real L Word are truly horrifying.

Not because of the lovely L.A. Lesbian ladies...or the nudity of said lovely L.A. Lesbian ladies...or the idiotic misuse of Photoshop on said lovely L.A. Lesbian ladies' lovely lady parts...it's that freakishly well-placed sunburst streaming right out of the middle one's hot pocket.

It's so scary...yet I can't look away.


I've even stopped to photograph the damned thing more than once. I wasn't worried about looking like a creep in capturing the suntwat either. I know how so-not-lascivious I must have looked.

I really don't get it. Or, rather, I do get it, but I just can't believe what I'm seeing.

Anyway, here's a haiku (see how obsessed I am) about the fucking thing:

Lesbians beachin'
All that sun pours out a cooch
West coast pussy's bright

Monday, June 07, 2010

Tootie (Or, You Are Here)

Sorry I'm about to toot...

My photograph You are here (above) was selected to be in the show "Photos With Words" at the PhotoPlace Gallery in Middlebury, Vermont - July 20th - August 7th, 2010.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Biker/Jane (Or, While I'm At It...)

Since I'm blue for Rue, here's to the life of Dennis Hopper...in my mind a fantastic photographer first.

Above - "Biker Couple" - one of my favorite photographs.
Below - Um...that's Jane Fonda with the bow and arrow c. late 1960s Malibu. Enough said.

Blue Rue (Or, And Then There Was One)

I know the world is about to be hit by a tidal wave of grief and remembrance for the passing of Rue McClanahan (otherwise known as Tropical Storm Blanche - a powerful, wild, and wetly luscious blue period originating in South Florida). I was lucky enough to see her up close and personal two years ago at a benefit for the Trevor Project. Rue vamped it up onstage, reading from her (then-forthcoming) autobiography My First Five Husbands...And the Ones That Got Away. She, like her alter-ego Blanche Devereaux, was a true broad.

One of my favorite Blanche ditties:

BLANCHE: Oh, the rain...it reminds me of my first kiss.

DOROTHY: Your first kiss was in the rain?

BLANCHE: No...it was in the shower.

Fuck Sex and the City and those perimenopausal wannabes. Here's to the memory of a woman (and a show) who sexualized the pants and panties off of senior citizenship at a time when our culture was mortified of sex in any form. If only each of us can grow old that vigorously.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Kiss My Who? (Or, Hounds of Love)

Ok, so this shit's a week old.

Last week (see), I was watching the so-called "Lady Gaga" episode of Glee with my friend Pattesia. The kids' performance of "Bad Romance" was excellent..."Poker Face"...was...well...gross and uncomfortable. Anyway, when the episode took that bad turn into KISS territory, I was nothing but perplexed when they sang "Beth".

ME: What horseshit song is this?

PATTESIA: It's that great KISS song "Beth". You really don't know it? It's a great song. It so reminds me of high school. I can't believe you don't know it.

ME: Pardon me, Miss Sexually Active Long Island, but I didn't spend my high school years getting fingerbanged in the backseat of an IROC-Z listening to heavy metal ballads.

PATTESIA: What were you listening to?

ME: I'll have you know, I was swiftly and unchastely deflowered while listening to Kate Bush's "Hounds of Love".

PATTESIA: You...art fag.

ME: Exactly.

Madvertising (Or, MDG)

Yeah, yeah.

No stories, no nothing.

I will say: this is crazy sexy.

That's all.