Thursday, September 23, 2010

Like a Tit in Motion (Or, Next to Topless)

Despite being nearly 40, I'm not mature enough to not say the word "tits" at least a hundred times a day.

Not worry feministas...my titslinging is mostly aimed at myself and my own tits.

Case in point...my terse and meaningful review of the Broadway musical Next to Normal:

"This would be very a very engaging piece of theater if only it had more tits...and more guns."

More damaging evidence...I'm currently singing the chorus of the song "St. Elmo's Fire (Man in Motion)" with tits everywhere:

I can see your areola
Underneath the blazin' sky
I'll be where the titties
Flyin' higher and higher
Gonna see your tit in motion
All I need is a pair of lips
Take me where my tit is lyin'
St. Elmo's Fire

Fortunately, I'm not singing this in an empty apartment with crimped hair...crying about how I can no longer afford my decorator...or my coke problem.

High Lo-Tech (Or, Mo, Mo, Mo)



Mo-Dettes - "White Mice"

Hat Tip: JD

Monday, September 20, 2010

Miss Miscellany (Or, Two Months of Dust)

Yes, there's two months of dust up on this piece...despite much hooting and hollering and squawking and gawking and glittering and littering and toiling and boiling and pumping and dumping and schvitzing and spritzing and rolling and tolling and crying and lying and tearing and leering and jeering and cheering and loosing and goosing and stuffing and puffing and slamming and jamming and clamming and bamming and clogging and jogging and spooging and gurlging and a lot of other miscellaneous gerunds and tings that go ing, I haven't posted anything since July.

Whoops.

I actually doubt what I'm writing right now will end up being an actual post, so I won't apologize or attempt to excuse my hazy laziness.

Two ditties - right quick:

#1

[The scene: driving past a string of 1960s surf motels in Montauk in late June]

PATTY: What does resort motel on that sign mean?

ME: Topless.


#2

[The scene: drinking coffee with my mother]

ME: You're really reading Eat, Pray, Love?

LINDA MARIE: Well, I'm trying to. I'm about halfway done with it.

ME: How is it?

LINDA MARIE: Christ, she needs to get laid already. If Javier Bardem doesn't show up soon, I'm tossing it in the trash.